BLACK PEOPLE'S FUNERAL ARE MORE FUN THAN ANY EVENTS (it's in the culture)

Written by

Makgato Machaba

If you have never been to a black person's funeral then you do not know what's fun is. They will intrigue you with their way of burying. Black people have a unique procedure in burying, although they are not mainly apparent, but they will intensify you with how they make everything click.

After the relatives are informed, the process starts off, you will see people in your community gathering in the home of the deceased. They will start buying chickens and prepare fires, when i talk about fires dont count with your one hands, they make fires accros the yard. Some boils water and some start cooking and baking. In the meantime, the other group gathers outside under a tree and start taking the contribution of money from community members, this is a small money, just to help with the proceeding until the weekend. It starts off from as little as 2 rands to 5 rands.

Dont forget, white people do not even gather until is burial day. Family members of white deceased can just be there for one another not everyone is suppose to be available before the burial time. But with black the whole process is just a procedure of wow moments. Ladies from 21 years to 45 will be out there hiring and buying black dresses with heels for that funeral. You cannot wear cheap in our funeral. A funeral is like durban july, for black people you should be extremely swagging and slaying on funerals.

Lets move to day two of the funeral. This is now getting interesting, they will be that one aunt who cries like a dying whale, everyone will be out there trying to comfort her but you will just see that she is a little bit over exagerating the whole thing, she will be dressed up with fur jackets and those feathers hats jumping down and up for all men to focus on her.

People will eat their stomach off, potatoes, mabele and white start meal with chicken, goat, sheep and cow meat will be available. People will now be passionately waiting for friday for pilling ladies to arrive and start with 7 colours food. The gossip here is about which casket are they gonna buy? Was a deceased a good person. Did he own any burial society? How did he die, if the deceased was a married man, then his wife killed him. If he was working classy, who will inherit his money. Yoooo the fun pack and intriguing moments every minute. I will never miss a black person's funeral, not when i have enough time. They is just a lot of entartainment.

You will start seeing the richest family that never visited the deceased while he was still alive, helping with classy tents and appealing chairs, just to "khotha" the whole people who attends. They bring the best scorns that the whole village never saw before just to steal the moments.

They is a line up of priests who will talk about the deceased, they will stumble and mummble until the crowd just laugh, problem is that, they never opens a bible, they just talk and sooner or later they end up saying what they shouldnt have said. I remember one priest who said " praise the lord hallelujah, the deceased here never deserves to go now its just that when your penis have such sores you will have no choice, he really struggled. He peed inside because his bladders burst. He had no choice. But to go" that was the most embarassing moments, looking at the family members they posed as if they taking a pic at the jurasik park.

Ok now we are waiting for the programme that will direct us who is in and who is not, thats also stir up some grudges. People will all be worked up asking questions like " i was also his/her friend why am i not in the programme" but time please. How can we let anyone speak? Everything is judged and critisized.let me not forget to mention the clash of believes, since we are burying a person who lived a while here, you find out that he/she associated with people from different churches and they all came to bury him/her. You will find groups of people singing different songs and competing to outshun one another. Ribs will hurts. Girls are selling themselves, they all puffed and zingled their cheeks with red guffies like musketees.

Do not forget, in a black person's funeral its also another black man's funeral spot. They is a plate of food made special for someone. It will be hand delivered by a cute beautiful women with a smile. After eating it, you will be buried the next weekend. Its all for fun.

Friday night is the most fascinating because satarday around 8 or 9 is the burial day. So in friday evening you will see the churches singing to welcome the hearse, they hymn and collapse into a sound that intensify to such an extent that, every member in the family will cry, they get out of the yard and meet hearse miles away from the home and comes back with it, they will sing in a calm voices to provoke emotions. People will now be very happy because they get to see the kind of coffin a deceased rest in.

They will be a funeral ceremony or a memorial service that is ongoing for the whole night. The priests line up with guests and members of the family to remember, celebrate and respect the deceased. For others, prayers and customs are undertaken as their way of grivance. In the morning the orbituary is given out and read by a lousy cousin together with flowers, she must just be crazy, and i am saying 'she' because a lot of black people's funeral appear's to be believing in females to reads out orbituaries.

After that we heard to the cemetery. The real drama starts. People rehearsed for their crying and now it is the time. All black everything, we awaits the swag in jumping up and down and collapsing of women. When its real you will see, the person cant just take it. They breath heavily. But from our neighborhood sisters who are looking for marriage in the funerals, they are doing that " yooo see me im crying" kinda cries.they want all men attention on them so that after the funeral they can give away their contact details in after tears.

I went to chris fox's sisters funeral, a white guy i knew. I was amazed, went there at 6 oclock by half six we was done. Everyone got in a car vooom off. Yes done and dusted that fast. I was like "huuuh"?

But with our funeral never, arrive at the cemetery at 7 oclock, in 8 oclock priest was still busy with his bible but he stood the whole night talking. People crying beating up and down. Sisters with water busy helping the ones who faints. Some denying the person is dead even after 5 days of gathering. That crazy aunty causing a scene everywhere, grabbing priest and asking them to tell her its a lie. Mess in everything..when you look at the children they are rolling on the floor. Sometimes i just go like " this people can rehearse yong".

The neighbors dont wait until the funeral is done, they gossip before the coffin is set down. " Iyoo but atleast the casket is better" pointing at people's dresses and saying they not better than theirs. And they is always that one woman who will be eating soil from the cemetery. And the other one sniffing ntsu. Looking around like they bought the cow for the entire crowd.

When its all done and dusted, the priest will then say quiet people, the family said that, you are all needed back in the house to wash your hands, this means that they are food ready back in the house. Everyone makes their way back to the deceased home. Pilling ladies will be standing alongside their pots serving. A final judgement is food, after that beers are bought and the after party (after tears) starts. You will see what we call "difebe". If the funeral is closer to their homes they'll go put on even lighter and small cloth that reveals a bit to win the men who are left behind. Scorns are still flying and refreshments are still available.

This will gives you vibe you will feel more like its a bash..it will be ongoing until 6 in the evening. The remaining meat from a cow now is "braaid".

If you been to a black person's funeral sure you can relate.

The cost of the black person's funeral make them even poorer but they dont mind. They are so stereotyped. Thats why a white person have one burial policy and 4 life savings policy to rip his/her money while still alive, got it?

You put money into 3 stokvels that will give you food in december, put another more money in close to 7 burial societies, a saving that will only help when you are dead. And put another money in dishes stokvel and fail to take your child to school when the year starts. Are we preparing for our death than life? What is more precious here, if you can open an account and save money for your children that they will use after they passed their secondary level, what have you lose? You ate groceries from 3 different stokvels what have you gained?

Is this our mentality or are we just being abused by our own thoughts and perceptions. How do we get out of this trapped mindset. We only see white people that go on vacations,you work with mr smith and get paid same amount, when he save up money to go see miami with his family you are buying cows and joining lousy stokvels, and later you say white people have power. Dont you think you are the one with the problem here.

When your neighbors buy a car, you all of a sudden want one, was a car in your plans? When you see your black sister selling tomatoes you also stock the same product, cant you use your brains and think of something different.

But even though i have so many questions about black people lifestyle, i will never stop attending their circus funerals. Never!!!