Makgato Machaba

going to film and television audition is more like gambling with your life.

i just woke up with that million kwasha feeling, knowing very well that life is about taking chances, i got in my last most impetuous attire and walked past the mirror with those martin Lawrence walks making gestures and images that really draw back those Pete's attention. its more like feeling too much of pain and then pain kills appreciate it.

the last person i wanted to hear from was one of our tour guide through to the auditions, because she sounded so diplomatic and gave me that anarchy. felt like they is victory just waiting for me to scoop. i was a winner awaiting to be crowned, i believe in myself but this auditions thing taught me that, a lot goes wrong before, after or during the performance, yes you may have it all, everything that those judges are looking for, you rehearse it over and over and certainly delivers it in that extends. have you heard of nerves, over-thinking and fouling your own script. let me tell you what happened to me at the The Market Theatre this past Saturday. 

i nailed my script and i was so far ahead watching other people audition gave me a relieve, no one bought the emotions that i have worked on, everyone was intense and a lot of people even quits before the auditions started, i was sitting in the waiting room and feeling myself exploding inside with pure arts, i have had no problem i was excited and looking forward to meeting the judges, i did not know of anything that might go wrong because i was even impassioned all i wanted was to audition and get that role.

a tall man came by and asked me my number and even advised me to remain calm. i knew those where just light words because i had it all under control.

i all of a sudden saw a green light at the entrance and i stood up heading there walking like i was free from all my burdens, that Mandela kinda walk, when south africa was free for the first time, everyone walked like they have a million i their account, i felt myself gupta swagging myself towards that door, i called my God twice before i touched the handle, i said be with me because this is all i ever wanted my lord. i open and i stared at the panel of judges with smile.

you know me i cannot even contain myself i cracked a joke and all the judges was dead with laughter hence i was asking myself am i gonna get in character?

i do not have stage fright, when i am performing i feel like i own this world, they is nothing better than that. i remembered my script very well i studied it the whole night and never rest, i was getting ready for my biggest day.

my first line on the script goes like this "hi, this is power, this is anarchy........a pedestal. we are the kings of tomorrow and no one shall question my existence. let the rain pour my people", i love it, but here goes nothing. i went silent for like 24 seconds, judges posed and stare at me waiting for that go go fire. did it happen.

i said, "ash, this is not usual, i feel so different. this is my life right here. my cornerstone of happiness...when i am here performing, i feel alive and trues caress me well (i cried unintentionally)" 

you know when something like this happen you are done and dusted, i totally have no idea of what happened, in this hustle i need to brand myself more because the more you get a little exposure that when you are even. 

i looked around, closed my eyes and stared at those judges  as if i am gonna throw tantrums at them, instead. i said " i said what i performed is not on the script, i did not see that in my script, i don't know what happened. but i was here to deliver my piece, it happened,it is done, thank you"

you know when you amazed people, they never know how to react, they either ask you questions or it will be Eskom, total blackout. 

it became harder on the waiting room, people ask you questions like how did it go, cats in the wild?, it got me into a serious situation, when you try to hold back tears while blaming yourself, having remorse, arts fade, nothing becomes drama anymore, life shows you that a realm acts is only natural, and a lot of people will say reality struck, take it this way, you wanted to win this thing so bad, and something that you really cannot start explaining happened, and you try to behave in that i dont care way but its not happening, you break like a glass.

in front of more than thousand of artistic people, there it goes. burn. i let it all out while the ushers walked me out. they gave me a glass of water but you know to us black people that doesn't really apply. i wiped off my tears and when i looked at the wall trying to get my mind off that, i saw a post, the same post that markets for this auditions, written "The Dawn Of Fame" winner takes 130 000 with a polo vivo and a role in a featured movie to be shot in LA.

one of the judges came out and said, "go home and wait for results, you never know what we looking for, auditions are like betting games, you go home and get some rest, and remember, we learn, we dont give up, i dont know what went wrong in that stage, but you have potential, dont let this drown you ey"

i spoke to Sdumo Mtshali, and something happened, my mood was changed very fast, he actually...............................................................

MGT Ghetto Gospel Lyrics

                 If Scales weighs proof
                       Ima go to jail
                         Cause my
                  Kitchen got no soup
                         my uncle
                       Baking soda
                     I need a horse
                    That drop a roof
                     when I'm in DBN
                        I need a first
                             suits
                   no class when I fly
                  That's a private jet
                 No owner on a whip
                   I need chauffeur
             Black diamond on my pearls
                      That's power
                Syndicate every deals
                  With my black cops
               Make money every sunday
                       We fear GOD
                   I told my daughter
                That God is her real father
                      I told my son
             That I am not his role model
                  Cause Life is money
                    And money is life
                  If you aint got money
                    You better be dead
                       I'm under booth
                         And I'm feelin'
                        Like a last caper
                  Devil on me young me
                 On me, trying put a halt
                              On me
                But I'm Build with a faith
             Lemme put this case to rest
L I'm the best repper
                 I don't write when I rep
                       I just read signs
            Put out the dreams that I shed
                 From hymns that harmed
                 With the power of mercy
Pay respect for the presence of your king
                                Geezy
           if a new bible wrote I be in it
            I'm the testament, the truth
                 I'm despicable, proved.
                I'm like lion on the loose
                   Tryana touch my shit
              You will see what I'ma do
                     4 words for you
                Geezy is the monster
                  Trig words for you
              Beasty bea de gangster
                  Like cique du soleil
                  Plaque on the pale
                   I aint sold nathin'
                I'm done dealin' local
                 When I sell abroad

                            Chorus

                           I wanna be

                   B.I.L.L.I.O.N.A.I.R.E *4

                           Verse 2 rep

                         I'm two in one
              Like a double penetration
                         I flow so sick
            And Ima need a brain doctor
                 My life is on the edge
                  cast the spells on me
                  Like this my last days
                  I get the Gauge on ???
                Don't ask me what's wrong
                      Tell me what's right
                    Don't ask me to cum
                     Just direct me to clit
                  Pump that shit so I need
                         Her to squirts
                   So I thrown that paper
                        watch her Pump
                       Just Like machine
                   Don't stop that babe
        She said she feelin' flabbergasted
   I thrown another stack over the drawer
                        She likes it
Her eyes runs red and she drinks playboy
                I don't like that at all
                Buh I like what she do
         She got a mafaken tight pussy
                    Walls and doors
                   Stripps that fussy
               I'm blessed with a gong
                  Another mary jane
          Super striking till she came
            And she left with blame
         All the demon are beneath
       I don't smoke for this rhymez
                    I get high for
            I don't shit for this ???
                   I get paid for
            I'm relaxed in my mic
               What's the rush for
              Cause I aint eminem
             I aint tryana prove shit
               I aint busta rhymes
               I aint tryana b giant
                       I'm just me
          I'm juss tryana to b original
                Try it too my nigger
            Cause parody will kill you
                  Work on your shit
                  Lemme say amen
                    Glory be to God
         Only him to serve my haters

                           Outro

                     Chemical proof
               Geezy be the monster

                          I wanna be

                  B.I.L.L.I.O.N.A.I.R.E *4

I CAN BET, BLACK PEOPLE'S FUNERALS HAVE A BETTER DRAMA AND ENTARTAINMENT THAN ALL SOUTH AFRICAN MEDIA COMBINED

I normally wakes up at 6 o'clock when I'm home, I mean Limpopo, hellooo, Daaa Jouburg is never a home, so I hear the sound of a hairdryer in 5 o'clock from my mothers bedroom, I woke up,reach for my underwear cause I sleep naked yes, and I heard straight there, I mean mommas bedroom, one knock and she opened, my mom is loud, if she is not yelling she is probably screaming, she was complaining for a tiniest thing, you couldn't believe it, I mean how can she yell that much because I forgot a plastic chair outside, anyway, wrap that up, that's not what you here for, back to you, she had her two piece on the bed ironed and her foschini chivony tee hanging on the drawer, I asked, where you going, she said "I'm late, funeral, and you should come"

There we go, I'm running in the corridor with my mom on my back as if we are a doctor and a nurse rushing to get some oxygen ready in the ICU. She was fast enough to prepare my clothes, I didn't even believe it because at 5H45 we was already in the funeral. How I wish all my friends was there, I didn't build no castles from the breeze of that air I pardoned myself and inhaled as respectful as possible because my gran always told me 'the grieving people should be shown empathy'.

Me and mom split up and I was just standing like a lost sheep, then I started comparing, yes I went to the white people's funerals but I didn't see what I saw there, black people's funeral are all about fun, the moment me and mom split up things got real, let's make this a procedure, don't make me skip a word here, I know you only see white people's funerals on TV, they are so formal, everything is about time there, from 7 am in the morning at 10 they wrap up everything. Not black people, first of all you have that one crazy aunt who cries like they is a penis in her vagina, she jump up and hit the floor so bad you will see every guy imagining her naked on the bed, you know how guys are, dogs indeed. But hey, fun is all that you will experience, did I tell you what happen when they call people who will reads out the program, they make the whole thing funny by acting serious, a cremation service will intrigue you, as you sits in a tent, some woman are in the backyards preparing tea, priests from different churches fighting to represent themselves better and leave a good image for their church also.

Black funerals are fun, at my back they was two ladies and the other one complained that she is about to go on her peez, and she didn't have a pads, and to make that situation worse she didn't have her panties on, I was annoyed felt like intervening but I contained myself, they was this neighbour, a lady, she looked exactly like fheli from muvhango, she had that "I might be involved in her death face" but crying like she lost a daughter. No one attended her, she probably fainted like 5 times.

Scones makes a black people's funeral complete, and what bi like about it, you drink tea and eat them, and after you done with the burial, you go back to eat the porridge and rice, I tell you, nothing beats this feeling.

at the grave you will now see a complete movie, that's where all happens, let's talk about woman's dresses and hats, you will feel like you in a circus, you will see a real bucket hat, ya'll don't understand the version of bucket hat I'm on about, black auntie's and sisters take a 9 kg bucket, puts it on their heads and wrap it with a towel, you will think a person is crippled I tell you, you can't hold back the giggles. One lady fell from the weight of the bucket and pressure of heels and she woke up at hospital. This is more like telling you how mark shuttleworth dick was soft when he stepped on the moon for the first time, you will need me to explain until 165326569 paragraph, but here goes nothing, you now get what I mean.

Lemme leave you with this picture, have you realised, our funerals are now made of this parts, we go there to drink tea, eat food, make a mini after tears of joy , which is more like an after party, and the we have a get together until the following day, so its like when someone passes on is now a privilege in the family to do a gathering and parties isn't it? Some will even bang pleasure's wedding songs "dia raya ditonki tse" those donkeys can kick..indeed, being black is a blessing. We have a way of making fun out of everything. We creates culture and tradition every time with every situation.

HERE ARE SOME OF THE KEY FACTS WHY YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU IF HE CAUGHT YOU HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER GUY.

It is just impossible for a guy to forgive and forget on this issue, if it ever happens, it will be from a guy who have issues in his personal lifestyle, he will sacrifice to swallow the pain and live with it, but it will hit him everyday he makes love to his girl.


Guys are very sensitive when coming to sex, unlike girls, naturally, a lady doesn't have so many question about whipping insecure questions about sex, she rather focus on asking herself questions if she pleases you, they knows that not too much damage will be done, you often hear of many reconciliation in relationships where a guy cheated but you probably did not hear about a situation where a lady cheated, guys find it difficult to live with it. Let me tell you why.

First of all, after you proven that your lady had sex with another guy, maybe you've physically seen it or you found enough evidence that shows it has happened. As a guy you become shut down.
Each time she kisses you, in your mind you think maybe she is imagining him and not you, you lose focus and concentration, you start competing in your mind, even if the guy died after sleeping with your girl, you will never find peace, during sex, you ask yourself this question, why is she no longer moaning like she use to? Maybe he was bigger than me or just!!!

It is a brain damage punishment, I said that, the biggest punishment a girl can ever give his boyfriend, is to record herself fucking some other dude and later show him, you will see him lose weight in a blink of an eye, if you want to see how sensitive boys are, make a conversation about your previous exe's with him and tell him how they use to nuts in your face, you will see how his face will shrink and sunk into misery, boys loves to dominate, they want to satisfy their girls, they cannot live with doubts and uncertainty.

When you moan during sex, he start thinking maybe you faking it, he thinks you just being wild and you was never his type. You disguise him in any way. I do not wanna talk about the part of giving heads, your guy will stop kissing you if he thinks about you blowing some dude with whoopie Goldberg kinda lips, he start feeling like they is sperms in your mouth. Aargh I even imagined this shit now I wanna puke, ok lemme hold it right here, but now you knows better, they is no guy who wanna get inside you after some guy left his nuts in you, it is more like shitting in your bed in the morning and comes back later to sleep in those shit.

He will ask you this question always, did you guys use protection, if you ever say no, he will never enjoy sex with you again. Everytime he goes inside you, he think they is sperms of that guy in there.

I bet he cant go to a second round, he will be done and emotional at times, its a lot you will see pain in his eyes. He will try so hard to put it together but you will always feel that he holds back, if you get freaky and act sluttish in the bedroom, he conclude that maybe you learned that from the other dude maybe.

To cut this shot, if you ever cheat as a girl and your boyfriend find out, end that relationship or else you will be in an unhealthy relationship for the rest of your life, your man will never forgive and forget after you've cheated, he will pretend and that can also lead to an abusive relationship if you carry on. So if you that sneaky lady who walks around looking to get freebies from man, you should as well know of this.

A relationship is for two people, you should have conscious, if you get tired of your partner you tell them before jumping on to the other one.

I know you prolly thinking he is writing in favour of men here, just take facts and let alone judgments.

LIMPOPO WEDDING ARE MORE LIKE A CIRCUS DIRECTED BY JIM CAREY

I attended a wedding over the weekend, believe me, our pedi culture is slowly fading, I was waiting to see the most intriguing moments, the impact and most wow seconds of amazement while clock tick in intervals. A few group of girls await at the gate talking like somebody just died and pointing fingers at the elders and tent that was not even properly set, I smelled food from distance and saw many traditional outfit in silk fabrics.

I was waiting to sing makoti and step with phelesi's, but eish, I saw a gate opening and this tall bluffy guys came in followed by two boys carrying 2 weak speakers. I all of a sudden thought of mary jane and eifel hoek, things I see after I blew my hooker. So I rasped and stood like a pastor folding my hands waiting to see the movement of those guys until the end, then a small puffy guy came out running in the house with a long electric cord and started plugging those speakers, I was not in Ga mphahlele, I was not waiting for this wedding to turn into a circus where we watch a bride and a groom stepping for pleasures's loudeness and crazy limpopo songs, I hallucinate and follow the crowd that was moving to the back to open up a space for the DJ to start operating.

At the backyards was 8 woman with big breasts, I almost got hard because I stared at one of them and imagined her naked, I sat down on a brick faster before my erection could show up, all of them looked chubby and extremely tired of life, but worn smiles of a wedding day vibe. They gave me that smile, I winkled back and act like stevie wonder. "I ddnt see nothing" atti
They was cooking a porridge and beaf meat, they told me right away that they don't offer salads, as if they are running a company, we do not offer salads sir, I laughed and started doubting, even though I ddnt want my mind to be negative and not at once. The other lady coughed, I could tell that it was a sign of 'hey boy I wanna talk now I'm clearing my voice, well I was right, she said. " "Mohlanka" boy. " nke o mpiletse ngwalenyana o mongwe kamoo bare ke sampi" can you call me a certain girl by the name of sampi? I just said I'll do it.

I went to back to the tent and ask for sampi, when the girls shouted "sampi owabitswa" sampi you been summoned, this thick bad yellow boned and bad bad bad girl rose and flattened her hair looking at me as if she is shooting an AD.

I stood there watching her like I was leonardo Di Caprio on that scene where he had to go get an object that will untie rose to save her from drowning. As she walks like Halle Berry from Catwalk, I heard a bang, music started playing "abuti, sa nswara moo" hey brother, don't grab me there.

I felt my knee caps are re-attaching to my knees and my nose building that tentacles feeling like as if I was a china girl raped by 40 american gangsters that toughie oughie movie. I sat down and asked a girl who was passing by to direct me to the tap, as I stood up, three men came sneaking in a tents and asked us to sit calm because the groom and the bride has arrived and the pastor will start in a moment. But I thought something was going to be done in a tent, it was dusty and the decoration got tired of kids jumping up and down, nothing was ready in that tent.

They came in stepping, they was just like Bafana Bafana defending as if they scored, they looked tired but willing to continue, they was like our government, promising but not delivering. I had a mini prayer in my heart, I said lord please, do not let this crowd zoom extra in for the shoes of the groom, if you still remember back in the days when we use to eat apple side by side before we can start eating it properly, the grooms shoes looks like the structure of the apple after it is eaten side by side, his trouser was that light trousers you normally see them in small street in johannesburg sold by Nigerians, the front of the trouser wasn't well placed people could see the package or let me say the revelation of his manhood.when he kicks back as he was stepping people kept saying whoooa, because his penis could be seen clearly even though is inside the trouser, he worn the last fake of silk fabric. The hands of his suits was a bit torn already, in his wedding day.

Tjooo, the bride was better she just looked like a doll, a latin doll that was manufactured in china but packed in zimbabwe and exported to malawi for further designing.

When the pastor announced that the groom and bride should kiss, the groom became hard in front of the crowd, since his trouser was not fitted well, you could see a hard erection from him coming out of the suits pointing at his wives thighs, and a mini black wetter spot also reflected from his trouser. He tried bending backwards to hide the erection but it was a little bit too late, he had a long lazy penis, but slimy one.

I ddnt wanna mention in full that they ddnt wear rings, their only excuse was that, the groom hit his finger during the week fixing a ceiling so he will rather wear it later, the pastor said can't we atleast view the rings, and we where denied with, "they are in the car" excuse.

They said they wanted 1 million before the cake will be bought out and the neighbours ddnt buy that shit, they believed a cake was not even bought.

They ddnt have a matching pieces of dresses like the ordinary wedding, their excuse was that, we wanted to be unique.

This was the most scaring wedding I ever attended, it gave me mini heart attacks every moment they moved to the other phase..yooo

So after the wedding I found that precious girl again, I bump into her going to a spaza to buy some airtime, I asked her right away if she don't wanna hang with me some time and get to know me better, she was so so into me nothing could hold her, beside I puts on my one million perfume on, I worn in my sliver chain with 3 carrats of fake jozi Gold in it and my swag was on point, with that gaddafi cuts, it sits well on me, I look like yea I can fuck you soul off when I'm like that, girls can't resist me, they see that wildness in me. She ended up under my shoulders telling me how her ex mistreated her, you know villages, we ended up in a mini bush where its all quiet and still, I kissed that sampie bitch till she couldn't resist nothing, you cannot believe it but she started moaning before she could even touch my precious hammer, she got the booty and pussy was tight enough that while I tried to slip my fingers in she jumped and hiss its a lil painful. I kissed her and pulled of my tee on the ground relaxing her back there, I took off my trouser and lord knows I ddnt wanna use gloves, I wanted to fuck that girls mind off, she was tight enough.

I bended over towards her and kisses her until her panties was soaking wet, she asked me, noo noo not asking she begged me to start boinking her because she stressed out that she cannot hold it anymore, breathing heavily and calling me fuck me stanger, I liked that I could feel my dick strecthing towards the end of its last bit of stretched erection in my undies, I pulled them off and reached towards her V. All of a sudden they was light in that place as I look back with my shit out a man shout...................

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LIMPOPO WEDDINGS ARE MORE LIKE A CIRCUS DIRECTED BY JIM CAREY

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HOW IS IT BEING RAISED BY A BLACK FOLKS IN THE VILLAGES

Let's immerse from basics, never jump into conclusion because such issues will mainly focus on the mainstream or general view of a certain behaviour. And that's unfolding the percussion of how blacks tend to raise their "offspring" that they breed hoping to see change from them, well, isn't pressure knowing your parents couldn't afford to register a certificate of BBE, they don't own a tax number, and yet they expect so much from you?

They lived almost 40 years and they still hadn't figure out how the can generate revenue to improve their life and better the lives of their kids, we cannot judge, but sympathy or empathy cannot be part of this evolution, we cannot start blaming government because your folks couldn't take you to tertiary, they know better that education is important, they couldn't be educated but they could have strive to made it their key to educate you.

Black folks found ways of making money, they now have privileges in the municipal and government to entrepreneurial skills and whatsoever, things are no longer that difficult, problem is that, ideologies and lifestyle results in making wrong decisions, they are many black folks I know who sits in stokvels that bring food in december that are more than 5 in number, but they do not have educational investment plan for their kids, why is that vital, to eat? Lay buying carvellas, nike and jordan for their kids not knowing what future holds for them? Really?

Black folks will turns green as soon as they done reading this article, white folks knows better, let me drive you back to the start, I said never jump into conclusion with this, when we say indian girls are cute, we does not necessarily specify all of their species, you understand we meant a lot of them, this will give you a better understanding on this article, and that's will answer your question, a question that black people make answers an excuse of apartheid, no like really? Apartheid was 20 something years ago bury it. Its done. It has happened and remember even Tata Madiba who fought for it, he is now dead.
White people makes investment a key role in their lives, I am from limpopo I know many farmers who will give a big hectares of land to their kids when they turn 18 or 21. Black folks will give you a goat and tell you that, this is the biggest thing that I ever give to you, if you do not get rich, well you will never be rich, come on, a goat? In my community where I grew at, they is a community burial society, a group society, a family society, and a friends of friends burial society, they is gatherings, they is stokvels, irrelevant parties and custom celebration that you will never understands it meanings, but those folks cannot take their kids to further their education after they passed matric, that's just how black folks see life in villages. I do not know of any program from our government that teaches this people how to control life investment and also show them the vital keys in having a life policy. It is indeed upsetting.

So when you arrive at Gauteng (johannesburg), the biggest city in South Africa or whichever city you may be, in pursuit of employment, with just a matric remember, you become a lonely person without parents, remember, black folks have that mentality of saying I won't call children they better call me, I do not know with what because they do not send you any money, they expect you to look for a job and get it in a blink of an eye, as if CV's will photocopy themselves, maybe they think you just fart and CV's will get emailed, you will never know.
they be calling and labelling you "motswa" lazy, some of them they now call you umfene "cockroach", they just want someone who can contribute money in the family, when is month end. You must go to cambridge store and buy 2 kg of sunlight washing powder,movite, 3 sunlight of bar soaps and pay a transport to deliver that mini grocer to your village, until you can be able to do that, you do not exist, if you become different, you come to the city and be aspired to start a business, not even your rich uncle can help you, black people are not meant to help each other, they want you to fail so they can form a group at the funerals and be like, "hahahahahahaa, we saw him life "sal trap" him.

A black victim who is going through the paragraphs of this article related, and now probably feeling DA now, mixed feelings, let me just say this, being black is a full time job, never make this challenges your excuses, never wait for sympathy, they is no pity do to no one, not even your parents could read between the lines, if you want to change, if you really want to bring change, you can be the first to change this, have life plans and treat your family like you REV run it. Make a choice now, you either blame this situation and do nothing or you start making those business plans now, it is about change. In my language they say "monna oja sethitho sa phatla ya gagwe" a man must sweat for the bound.