Makgato Machaba

going to film and television audition is more like gambling with your life.

i just woke up with that million kwasha feeling, knowing very well that life is about taking chances, i got in my last most impetuous attire and walked past the mirror with those martin Lawrence walks making gestures and images that really draw back those Pete's attention. its more like feeling too much of pain and then pain kills appreciate it.

the last person i wanted to hear from was one of our tour guide through to the auditions, because she sounded so diplomatic and gave me that anarchy. felt like they is victory just waiting for me to scoop. i was a winner awaiting to be crowned, i believe in myself but this auditions thing taught me that, a lot goes wrong before, after or during the performance, yes you may have it all, everything that those judges are looking for, you rehearse it over and over and certainly delivers it in that extends. have you heard of nerves, over-thinking and fouling your own script. let me tell you what happened to me at the The Market Theatre this past Saturday. 

i nailed my script and i was so far ahead watching other people audition gave me a relieve, no one bought the emotions that i have worked on, everyone was intense and a lot of people even quits before the auditions started, i was sitting in the waiting room and feeling myself exploding inside with pure arts, i have had no problem i was excited and looking forward to meeting the judges, i did not know of anything that might go wrong because i was even impassioned all i wanted was to audition and get that role.

a tall man came by and asked me my number and even advised me to remain calm. i knew those where just light words because i had it all under control.

i all of a sudden saw a green light at the entrance and i stood up heading there walking like i was free from all my burdens, that Mandela kinda walk, when south africa was free for the first time, everyone walked like they have a million i their account, i felt myself gupta swagging myself towards that door, i called my God twice before i touched the handle, i said be with me because this is all i ever wanted my lord. i open and i stared at the panel of judges with smile.

you know me i cannot even contain myself i cracked a joke and all the judges was dead with laughter hence i was asking myself am i gonna get in character?

i do not have stage fright, when i am performing i feel like i own this world, they is nothing better than that. i remembered my script very well i studied it the whole night and never rest, i was getting ready for my biggest day.

my first line on the script goes like this "hi, this is power, this is anarchy........a pedestal. we are the kings of tomorrow and no one shall question my existence. let the rain pour my people", i love it, but here goes nothing. i went silent for like 24 seconds, judges posed and stare at me waiting for that go go fire. did it happen.

i said, "ash, this is not usual, i feel so different. this is my life right here. my cornerstone of happiness...when i am here performing, i feel alive and trues caress me well (i cried unintentionally)" 

you know when something like this happen you are done and dusted, i totally have no idea of what happened, in this hustle i need to brand myself more because the more you get a little exposure that when you are even. 

i looked around, closed my eyes and stared at those judges  as if i am gonna throw tantrums at them, instead. i said " i said what i performed is not on the script, i did not see that in my script, i don't know what happened. but i was here to deliver my piece, it happened,it is done, thank you"

you know when you amazed people, they never know how to react, they either ask you questions or it will be Eskom, total blackout. 

it became harder on the waiting room, people ask you questions like how did it go, cats in the wild?, it got me into a serious situation, when you try to hold back tears while blaming yourself, having remorse, arts fade, nothing becomes drama anymore, life shows you that a realm acts is only natural, and a lot of people will say reality struck, take it this way, you wanted to win this thing so bad, and something that you really cannot start explaining happened, and you try to behave in that i dont care way but its not happening, you break like a glass.

in front of more than thousand of artistic people, there it goes. burn. i let it all out while the ushers walked me out. they gave me a glass of water but you know to us black people that doesn't really apply. i wiped off my tears and when i looked at the wall trying to get my mind off that, i saw a post, the same post that markets for this auditions, written "The Dawn Of Fame" winner takes 130 000 with a polo vivo and a role in a featured movie to be shot in LA.

one of the judges came out and said, "go home and wait for results, you never know what we looking for, auditions are like betting games, you go home and get some rest, and remember, we learn, we dont give up, i dont know what went wrong in that stage, but you have potential, dont let this drown you ey"

i spoke to Sdumo Mtshali, and something happened, my mood was changed very fast, he actually...............................................................